This posting is going to be somewhat personal, so if you are uninterested in that sort of stuff, don't read any further.
I'm not writing this merely for some immature desire for attention. Honestly, I think I got over that stage. To get to the point, I've been diagnosed with cancer: Papillary carcinoma of the thyroid. It's an easy to cure cancer; I have a 90 percent chance of survival. Luckily I won't even need to go through chemotherapy. I have a surgery soon to remove my thyroid and then some sessions of radioactive iodine pills. But these past 2 weeks have been a living nightmare. When my primary doctor saw my swollen lymp node in my neck, she was very concerned; it was swollen to the size of an egg. It's been more or less like that for some years. I didn't think much of it as it did not hurt. I had a CT scan of my neck and a fine needle biopsy of the node and the results came positive for malignancy. The doctor I talked to who told me this didn't know exactly what kind of cancer it was at first - he just knew that it barely reached an advanced stage. I didn't find out until a couple days later that it was thyroid cancer which relieved me a lot as it is extremely curable especially in younger people.
But to get to the crux of why I am writing this, I've realized a lot about myself in these past weeks. I've realized what, truly, matters in my life and what doesn't ( many of the things I thought were important or meaningful ). Death is the great revealer of what lies within a man; it strips you down to your core. I realized many things about myself, that I have been behaving extremely immaturely especially on this site. Satyr was right - I often posted things here just to show off and get attention like some fool. This is not to say that I am abandoning my philosophical positions, but rather that I exaggerated them, made them cartoonish. I realized that I am NOT fearless - that I am not without weakness. I was very afraid when the doctor told me I had cancer. It felt like a hole was punched through my soul. All I cared about was manifesting my love for my family which I formerly did not do as much as I should have. I cried, I got depressed, etc. I was in a state of which I formerly would have mocked. I did manage to pull myself together, to stay strong for my family and myself. And when I received the call from the doctor in regards to which type of cancer it was and that I will most likely survive, it was like 10,000 pounds was lifted off me. My family and I celebrated.
I have a newfound appreciation for life now. I feel like I have matured a lot from this experience; a sort of blessing in disguise. Anyways, I would like to apologize to Satyr, Lyssa, Blood, Reasonvemotion, and others for acting like a jackass.
And I feel like this quote from Nietzsche, though often used, applies to myself right now very much:
" That which does not kill you, makes you stronger."
Satyr Daemon
Gender : Posts : 37198 Join date : 2009-08-24 Age : 58 Location : Hyperborea
No need for apologies. And attention is not an insult. To want attention is a requirement if what you want from another does not entail the choice of taking it by force. Then attention is detrimental to the objective. Don't let the simpletons using infantile, pop-psychology, convince you that wanting attention is a vice.
I work surrounded by cancer patients. I've seen young people die in their twenties. It's not easy.
I wish you all the best.
_________________ γνῶθι σεαυτόν μηδέν άγαν
Last edited by Satyr on Mon 05 May 2014, 02:57; edited 1 time in total
In European ages past, now a somewhat bygone era, young European males of all stripes and tribes would prepare for war, and go to war as teenagers and young adult males. There on the battlefield, young men would learn the reality of courage, fear, and death. Europeans have fought each other, and banded together to defeat alien outsiders, like the turks, for centuries.
Now with the advent of nuclear weapons, as an overwhelming deterrent for "conventional" warfare, and together with rifles which kill men from miles away, without even knowing it, warfare has changed. Long past are the days of yore when men looked each other in the eyes while killing one another.
A lesson of death relatively forgotten. The european warriors of the past, the heritage and memory, slowly becomes faded. In postmodernity, what will little boys know of death? Or girls? Death is something foreign, surprising. A whisper and rumor of some "outdated" event.
Plato said something along the lines of, "We (men) spend our whole lives preparing for death" and this is one of the major philosophical projects and contributions. I agree with the logic.
Once you realize that you will die, accept and submit to death, become "emasculated and feminized" by this realization and eventuality, its inevitability, then you can spend some more time focused on objectivity. I am, you are, everybody is, walking towards death. How many steps? One billion? One hundred? Have you realized your end? Will you see it coming or will it catch you by surprise? Will you prepare?
I think how a man confronts death, how a man dies, defines much, most, or all of his character. Females, children, are mostly protected from death. With lies. They believe in gods and fairies and magic and second lives, and being reborn again and again. Males, men, philosophers, thinkers, we do not have this luxury. We must accept the "reality" of life, accept the objectivity. You and I, we only get one life. And life is precious. And men are expendable.
How could a man throw his life away, vainly, after imbibing this ancient wisdom? You cannot. You can only accept, that in the face of death, you either have great values, or lowly ones. If you have a great value, then this is your reason, and it will guide you toward your living ideals.
Personally, I will kiss and fuck a few women. And I find that worthwhile. And I will complete some other tasks. And those are good starts, a few good goals. And after that, my goals will expand, and include more people, and culminate and take hold of more people. What do you want to do?
Versus, what are you here to do, with your life, objectively? What is your nature? Know thyself indeed.
Because this is what you do whether you choose to or not.
A lowly, ignoble, chirstian man, he cowers before death. Because he has spent most, or all of his life, believing in a fairy tale. Believing he will live again, after death. And therefore, he falsely believed that when death approached, that he had nothing to worry. But death, real death, is different. And there is nothing like it, nothing similar, that can wake a man's soul up.
The ancient warriors and warlords realized and knew this fact. Think about Hitler for a moment, didn't he wake up the heart of Europa? His adversaries hate him and demonize him for bringing so much death. But, so, the fuck, what? Death can be a good thing, when used and learned properly. Because nothing motivates you more or further.
And war is, classically, the motivator of all men. And this is something that binds men into fraternity, against our individual will.
I had lengthy brush with death myself over four years ago. I contracted a severe stomach inflammatory syndrome that caused uncontrolled and consistent vomiting episodes, leading to ulcers that formed on the lining of my stomach. I regurgitated blood almost on a daily basis. I woke up everyday for nearly half a year in agony that could be imagined as hot coals burning in my stomach, all day. I was malnourished and anemic.
I remember lying on a hospital bed one night 30 pounds lighter, suffering in the same body-wrenching pain and thinking to myself as an avid acolyte of natural selection, that death would be the only recourse to this debilitating predicament to my wasteful demands i was putting on others to keep me alive. However, with a little fight and some steadfast reserve, i vanquished it.
My desire to extend my own potentialities for personal growth along with my familial love gave me the strength to fight it.
Just fight it with everything you have. Live and grow spiritually, mentally and reproductively if possible. Existence offers too many valuable experiences to ever pass up on.
Lyssa Har Har Harr
Gender : Posts : 8965 Join date : 2012-03-01 Location : The Cockpit
Erikos, I'm glad to hear you are going to do fine. I wish you a long healthy life.
A thought for you.
As above, so below. The thoughts you carry, carry you. The atmosphere you build inside, builds you or breaks you.
You can't expect to devalue earth, the feminine, the nature, repressing it to its use-value and then for it to not explode and rupture through your body, Your Earth, and grow cancerous. IMO, a healthy body needs a sound mind to support it, and vice-versa. You need to connect with your earth without fear and inhibition. A body has a hundred ways of talking to you, so listen attentively.
And yea, just because I said that, I wouldn't spare you either anytime you want to be mauled, you know I'm here... in the toilet always.
You can't expect to devalue earth, the feminine, the nature, repressing it to its use-value and then for it to not explode and rupture through your body, Your Earth, and grow cancerous.
"In machine based societies, the machine has incorporated the demands of the civil power or of the market, and the whole life of society, of all classes and grades, must adjust to its rhythms. Time becomes lineal, secularized, "precious"; it is reduced to an extension in space that must be filled up, and sacred time disappears. The secretary must adjust to the speed of her electric typewriter; the stenographer to the stenotype machine; the factory worker to the line or lathe, the executive to the schedule of the train or plane and the practically instantaneous transmission of the telephone; the chauffeur to the superhighways; the reader to the endless stream of printed matter from high speed presses; even the schoolboy to the precise periodization of his day and to the watch on his wrist; the person at "leisure" to a mechanized domestic environment and the flow of efficiently schedule entertainment. The machines seem to run us, crystallizing in their mechanical or electronic pulses the means of our desires. The collapse in time to a extension in space, calibrated by machines, has bowdlerized our natural and human rhythms and helped disassociate us from ourselves. Even now, we hardly love the Earth or see with eyes or listen any longer with our ears, and we scarcely feel our hearts beat before they break in protest. even now, so faithful and exact or the machines as servants that they seem an alien force, persuading us at every turn to fulfill our intentions which we have built into them and which they represent--in much the same way the perfect body servant routinizes, and finally, trivializes his master." [Stanley Diamond]
I really dislike merely the thought of me getting sick to such an extent that the pain becomes unbearable, or simply that I cannot do a thing due to my health. Luckily I do not often get sick, just a cold so now and then.
Be well.
Since childhood, I dreamed of dying in a fight, in a battlefield, or simply taking my own life with an dagger 'when time has come' (will it ever..?).
I had quit school without any accomplishments, thus at my 16th year I applied for the army - I was denied for the 'lack of life-experience'. At my 16th-17th I started and eventually dropped a study and I started working to buy myself a plane ticket to Israel and to stay there for some time in order to think 'what my life is for', while gaining more experience through the travel and inter-actions, and knowledge of the country, the history and its peoples.. A kibbutz (Communist community), you worked in trade for a place to sleep and food; no need for money. I did not know much of politics, people, myself and the world before I arrived. The first thing I noticed were the soldiers everywhere, the weapons, the will to fight, the homogeneous nationalism and...the black hats everywhere.
I saw a possibility to join the military there, and if not..maybe the neighboring countries.. After 2 weeks I got banished from the organisation (and thus the Kibbutz) for two reasons: One, I did not do my work accordingly (and I was demanding an other job), two, because I got ''arrested'' just past the border in Lebanon (unintentionally), I was just taking a long walk and maybe find a military base on my way to ask how/where to apply.
Thus, back in Tel Aviv I talked with the officials of the organisation and they appointed me to another organisation; for 'military voluntary work'. Great experiences overall, I found out you can only join combat when you either are Jewish (and thus make Aliyah), or a Israeli citizen by passport (only attainable for an outsider if you are Jewish), or some exceptions if you are from the U.S.A.
Back in the Netherlands; indoctrinated by Zionism (they had each day ''official'' meetings in order to become representatives / agents of Israel, to only speak good about Israel), I started reading again, and youtube.. After 4 months or so, reality struck me to such an extent that I could not lie to myself anymore. Meanwhile, I called embassies to inform me what the possibilities where to obtain another passport and join their military (stupid youth romanticism).. Not 1, 2, 3 possible, as most of you already know by common sense.
A few months later I went to Paris to apply for the FFL; a few days sleeping on the streets, some weird / funny experiences during the 13 days I stayed in France after being send away to apply another day, each time you applied. After 3 days or so, I could finally do some tests; they said to come back in three months..Time passes and I still haven't returned yet..
Since my youth I was highly interested in the ''strong men'' such as Hitler, Stalin, Osama Bin-Laden and my greatest hero back then - Alexander the Great. The ''system'' worried for my interests and worldviews and stated some unpleasant things about me when I was still a child..
Anyway, I saw possibilities to ''just join'' a rebels group somewhere on this planet. Great repsect I have for the Mudjahedin.. I do not know why, but I always had this urge to fight and die with dignity, or 'do it' myself eventually. But the more I became aware the more I started disliking the thought of dying for a state with doctrines I oppose, such as fighting for the political system, for the ''freedom'' of the unworthy, to fight a meaningless fight so the West can continue its way, enjoy the hedonism, to live pathetic economic lives, to fight and possibly die for people I hate, or simply I do not care for..
I thought the ''thing missing'' was not just a shared ideal and a homogeneous population, but - God. I can tell one thing; if I had not met Satyr; I would either be a monk, or a Mudjahedin soon to die.
Now, I have picked up my ''old'' philosophy books, my childhood interests such as Greek mythology, poetry giving me a pleasant heartbeat, next week I have an exam to proceed the next Arabic language class.. I am actually starting to enjoy life (again), that I do not wish to die for any state, ideology, religion, emotion. I have so much (non-hedonistic) pleasure these last months; for me is dying itself not so much a problem I fear, but the 'when, where and how' - can I die with memories, with given meaning to my own life (and possible others), to accept my lost of Self after becoming, and the continuation of becoming which I enjoy so much.. ''Soon'' it might become a true burden, and thus fear, when the time has come and if I would be aware of it.
_________________ 1. "Youth, oh, youth! | of whom then, youth, art thou born? Say whose son thou art, Who in Fafnir's blood | thy bright blade reddened, And struck thy sword to my heart."
2. "The Noble Hart | my name, and I go A motherless man abroad; Father I had not, | as others have, And lonely ever I live."
Lyssa Har Har Harr
Gender : Posts : 8965 Join date : 2012-03-01 Location : The Cockpit
You have experienced much at such a young age,, and from you, I would want to quickly highlight one thing.
Joining a war, a cause, will not be the same as discovering that organic agon within yourself and that sends you to live out the war you Are. You can't be going around subscribing to causes and clauses... its the worst slavery and self-insult.
If you are going to connect with your roots to revitalize yourself, I am not sure how adhering to foreign concepts like Mujahideen or even what Evola calls Jihad "The Internal Holy War" can enrich your knowing yourself. Words and associated notions and history of it, brim with charges that affect how you interact with the world.
Can I ask which video or post of Satyr's that 'saved' you?
The joy of living for one's self - to climb high before the inevitable, not wanting to rush its approach. Willing to die only for one's own...for a cause that has a time horizon beyond the immediate.
_________________ γνῶθι σεαυτόν μηδέν άγαν
OhFortunae
Gender : Posts : 2311 Join date : 2013-10-26 Age : 30 Location : Land of Dance and Song
Joining a war, a cause, will not be the same as discovering that organic agon within yourself and that sends you to live out the war you Are. You can't be going around subscribing to causes and clauses... its the worst slavery and self-insult.
A fight, depending on the personality, might be a great source for Self knowledge. It was one of my reasons - to want to struggle. But of course, I realise now that I have nothing to gain with such experiences if I cannot connect them to the becoming, or cannot comprehend.
Lyssa wrote:
If you are going to connect with your roots to revitalize yourself, I am not sure how adhering to foreign concepts like Mujahideen or even what Evola calls Jihad "The Internal Holy War" can enrich your knowing yourself.
Bravery and devotion, not just reserved for Europeans.
Lyssa wrote:
Words and associated notions and history of it, brim with charges that affect how you interact with the world.
Yes, I am very much interested in this subject ([You must be registered and logged in to see this link.], [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]); the history of certain words, the development, the roots, parsing, connecting and my inter-action (barriers / to gain an extended view).
Lyssa wrote:
Can I ask which video or post of Satyr's that 'saved' you?
It is the cumulative, but it started with his [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] series; at first I could not understand him to the full extent but I felt an attraction to what he said that which I could understand. I listened to him on my way to work and extended my knowledge on English (and still do) so I could comprehend the full of what he spoke.
And, when I took my first glimpse on this forum, I asked some questions regarding his statement on rape and Natural selection on which I got honest answers and thus stayed - I saw that he was not a hypocrit, or a cowardly turd, or an idiot (in contrary)..
Much of what he wrote I did not understand (language barrier / lack of knowledge and /or experiences on certain subjects), some I did but could not express it myself yet, and now I read without full comprehension -to later on understand due to some experiences (yet to be experienced) I can connect, with years of seperation in between, and also to increase my English knowledge afterwards so I finally understand after having finnished reading. Especially his 'MANifesto'. But the most I like is his 'Postcards from Purgatory'. Now much of what I have learned I understand - and I too can explain with my own creativity and experiences - amplify.
OhFortunae
Gender : Posts : 2311 Join date : 2013-10-26 Age : 30 Location : Land of Dance and Song
The joy of living for one's self - to climb high before the inevitable, not wanting to rush its approach. Willing to die only for one's own...for a cause that has a time horizon beyond the immediate.
Yes, my main aim is to develop mySelf and discover my qualities (such as in dance). I learn for example Arabic for multiple reasons: one was Quran recitation / Islam, two; to develop my vocal organs - self control, three; just an interest in language and a people's character, four; simply because it is good for my brain.. If I would drop one from my list, I have other motivations left. That's how I want to take on life - climb higher and to be able to make value judgments.
What is your cause, what is your life worth dying for - if.
I may know?
Satyr Daemon
Gender : Posts : 37198 Join date : 2009-08-24 Age : 58 Location : Hyperborea
I am on my way, but youth romanticism (ideals) is to be overcome.
It is hard to defend the real within the non-digital world; last saturday on the Islamic university I was discussing with a negro (with an IQ higher then the average of his people). I tried to explain the world is more then economics, more then this artificial world, that one should look outside the present cultural expectations; that one is not worthless if (s)he does not have any diplomas or has no succes within the mediocre / economical world due to the System prefering its own type of people. That simply looking into the past; the ancient philosophers / poets / great men an sich, refute today's mythology to need to be filtered within the System's educational system.
He simply stated over and over again; ''mankind is progressing, look at the technological progress''.. Man has become, as you stated, an extention of the tool, instead of the tool being an extention of a person's abilities. How many people can survive without the specific tool they specialized with. The System continues as an ants nest with each ant having its specific role; if only the authority succumbs.. then what. Behold the ''progress''.
_________________ 1. "Youth, oh, youth! | of whom then, youth, art thou born? Say whose son thou art, Who in Fafnir's blood | thy bright blade reddened, And struck thy sword to my heart."
2. "The Noble Hart | my name, and I go A motherless man abroad; Father I had not, | as others have, And lonely ever I live."
Recidivist
Gender : Posts : 435 Join date : 2012-05-01 Age : 48 Location : Exile
He simply stated over and over again; ''mankind is progressing, look at the technological progress''..
Indeed.
The negro is caught in a trap. The price for his acceptance into humanity is that he must perpetuate the lies and distortions of the modern world, he must become the protector of the new faith that has gifted him his salvation. Even lay down his life if neccessary. The only real progress for the negro is a brown baby.
No amount of ancient philosophy or poetry is going to undo evolution. Quite the reverse. One must steer clear of the classical world altogether, for in that he was but a slave, a beast of burden about which any idea that he might be equal to other men would have shocked and appalled the greatest minds who ever lived. Their words on the subject have been swept under the carpet. Some have tried to make much of them over the years - especially Afrocentrics - claiming it proves that because these great men were 'racist' their other works are also false. I mean, try that with Newton or Darwin. That's how simple minded these niggers are. No wonder white liberals have drawn back from that particular cliff edge. See how they are forced to herd the niggers around for their own good?
One does not give fine wine to a dog or feed truffels to a cow.
Most blacks sense their dependence upon the simulacrum, what it has done for them, how necessary it is for their survival. That is why your nigger, like the rest, can [will] only regurgitate the mindless aphorisms of the age. They know the fate that is waiting for them beyond its walls where nature is patiently sharpening her claws.
Whites must segregate themselves, nature leaves them with no alternative.
This is the precipice the world is sleep walking towards. Every hypocritical white liberal that utters weasel words promising an egalitarian paradise, a world free of discrimination and suffering is another step in the direction of the abyss. It becomes harder and harder to reconcile physical reality with the artificial lies of the simulacrum. The lies must intensify, the dumbing down must reach a crescendo pitch. The full power of technology must be engaged to alter appearances and force compliance. Everything must be reduced to the mindless, the physical, the body, because in these times reason is the most dangerous weapon of all.
But nature will not tolerate a reversal of evolution. The dinosaurs are never going to evolve again.
_________________ “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.” - - George Orwell
Lyssa Har Har Harr
Gender : Posts : 8965 Join date : 2012-03-01 Location : The Cockpit
If you are going to connect with your roots to revitalize yourself, I am not sure how adhering to foreign concepts like Mujahideen or even what Evola calls Jihad "The Internal Holy War" can enrich your knowing yourself.
Bravery and devotion, not just reserved for Europeans.
There is no THE bravery, THE devotion...
Standards of bravery grow organically in relation to a particular environment, genetic-memetic complex. Specific cultural values that cannot just be adopted if you are to keep your culture vital.
I understand survival forces much compromise. Thanks for sharing the rest.
Why would she want to do that though? I thought she was one who liked to lure naive men into her symbolic spider webs and then devour them? Or am I missing something?
Btw Phonuetria, I wasn't trying to be cheeky.
Satyr Daemon
Gender : Posts : 37198 Join date : 2009-08-24 Age : 58 Location : Hyperborea
Why would she want to do that though? I thought she was one who liked to lure naive men into her symbolic spider webs and then devour them? Or am I missing something?
Think...how would you do this?
By being upfront and honest? By playing games? By pretending to be more than what you are?
The only way something inferior can dominate something superior is to pretend it is more inferior than it is, manipulating what is weak in the superior. Imitating the superior, but not fully disclosing this, as it would expose the imitation which is never completely effective. We cannot imitate the superior, unless you use word-games to insinuate what you can never provide. A game of seduction; promise with no orgasmic finality.
_________________ γνῶθι σεαυτόν μηδέν άγαν
OhFortunae
Gender : Posts : 2311 Join date : 2013-10-26 Age : 30 Location : Land of Dance and Song
If you are going to connect with your roots to revitalize yourself, I am not sure how adhering to foreign concepts like Mujahideen or even what Evola calls Jihad "The Internal Holy War" can enrich your knowing yourself.
Bravery and devotion, not just reserved for Europeans.
There is no THE bravery, THE devotion...
Standards of bravery grow organically in relation to a particular environment, genetic-memetic complex. Specific cultural values that cannot just be adopted if you are to keep your culture vital.
I understand; but the willingness to fight for blut und boden and ideals - I can recognize throughout Eurasia. No man but an European climbs a mountain just because it stands there - that is the spirit of European man, at least; it used to be.
I am most certainly not referring to the ''bravery'' of negroids as described in some of the National Geographic documentaries about American-niggers being sent to Europa during WWII, where they literally ran during the first encounter with the Germans and surrendered and cried and begged; and were referred to as being ''brave'' and ''heroic''..
