potpourri

Stay, she said, and I'll be all for you, not realizing I was and was not, and much more.

I am vessel
that empties and fills
Overflowing it spills,
drying up
before once more
to the brim
one tear-drop at a time
it feels
one tear at a time
it heals

I always wanted the other to take the first swing. I later found out this is a bad strategy, and that the one who strikes first usually wins a fight.
But it didn't have that effect on me.
With me being struck invigorated me with rage, and if blood was drawn I became a monster I could only later recognize.
It didn't happen often, but the few times that it did made me afraid of this loss of control.
I never knew what I would do, or how far I would go. I would be watching myself act, as if I were a bystander.
But I kept it a secret that it felt good.
It felt real.....like it was my entire self.

If it comes to pass that my kind be lost in time, and we are gone forever, let what follows bear witness to our absence, and the silence echo our missing songs.
We once blazed hot, and the cold that comes will recall what is no more.

I had one of those DNA ancestry tests....
I am 91.9% Balkan - Greek....6.9% Italian....0.8% Broadly Southern European0.1% ......Native American....0.2% Broadly East Asian....and 0.1% unassigned....

Doesn't make any sense, where's the 50% goat DNA?

Ha!!!
I ate it.

I'm a goat in mind, and physically human.
It's an esoteric/exoteric division.

It was troublesome to be excluded from the groups I wanted to belong to.
Then it became troublesome to belong to groups I refused.

Indifference got me in, and keeps them pulling me back, when I try to leave.
To be a stranger in their midst has forced my ambitions to change.
From judging myself in relation to them, I now judge them in relation to me.
I can only share my analysis - sometimes trying to impress, sometimes trying to provoke, always trying to get a reaction I can use to gauge their hidden truths.
When intimacy has ceased being about me unloading upon another, it becomes absorbing what they unload.

I am of another alphabet.
Outside, on the periphery, sometimes mistaken for the alpha, most of the time mistaken for the omega.

Tarzan's awakening...
I found myself naked among apes and was surprised because I felt no shame.
They poked and prodded at my strangeness, some becoming bolder with their searching fingers and testing teeth.
I covered my most private parts with a loincloth, not out of shame but guided by experienced caution.

Daemonic Nymph

The Orphic Hymn to Dionysos (Χαίρε Νύμφη) .:. by Daemonia Nymphe

I gave myself permission to look, but was not given permission to speak of what I saw.
The pressure came forth in whimpering cries of dismay, becoming growls of madness.
Vermin scattered and hid in the shadows, but one rose from the east, and settled upon the west; crouching upon the myriads.

A bee, once named mellisa, settled on my chest - honey-fed and pollen laden.
I closed my eyes and expanded my hearing, listening to her rhythmic song, lamenting a dying world.
Who shall make the nectar to quench Olympian thirsts?
Masks and excuses, pretenses and lies, shall rule the world.

I will survive, warped and crippled, but I will not forget.
My mind will be beeswax; hexagonal honeycombs gradually filled with the sweetness of my labours.

Live Lightly...

Rule #1 Every spring get rid of all the stuff you haven't used since the preceding spring.
You have three months to find and discard, or to use so as to keep it - spring cleaning.
Throw it away, or give it away. Sell it, if you prefer.
In a few years you will only possess things you use regularly, or you will force yourself to find a use for the things you have.

I once gave away 100+ CDs, after collecting them over many years.
I realized I was not listening to most, and the ones I was listening to I only liked a few tracks.
So, I burned the tunes I liked on half a dozen CD's, at the time....this was ten years ago, and I gave away the originals to a friend...and the rotating CD rack I had purchased to hold them all.

The sun hit my face, on a cool summer's day, after a long downpour, having heard of death, and I was glad to be alive.
Then my eyes tired and I wore my sunglasses.

Even life can be too long.

I returned home and found it violated.
Someone had broken in and taken some of my things with him.

My heart fell, and then rose, discovering that what I valued was still there, and what I did not was gone.
Then my heart fell again.

Before I die, I hope to be the man my father could not be, and the father he failed to be.
Before I die, I will say what needs to be said, and refuse to pretend not to hear, or see.
Before I die, I will put my shoulder to the rock, and push it that tiny length of space/time up the hill.
Before I die, I will feel, and wonder, and seek, despite my fear.
Before I die, I will honour and praise what is worthy, and nothing more.

Before I die, I will not lie.

Gorgo of Sparta:
Being asked by a woman from Attica,
"Why is it that you Spartan women are the only women that lord it over your men,"
she said,
"Because we are the only women that are mothers of men."

In Sparta only two types were buried with a tombstone bearing their name: warriors who died in battle, and mothers who died giving birth.
Means to an end. She who shapes human destiny.
Genetic and memetic filters.
Women bring forth the men they then complain about.
Where are the mothers of men, today?
They are seeking the men they failed to produce.
They serve a foreign god, an idea. They serve pleasure and victimhood.
They are torn and divided...lost to themselves.
They are always 'trying to find who they are', when mind has been separated from body.
Genes whisper, and minds speak - the ideal or the real?.
Who will they heed?

it's gonna be fuckin' hot today.
I already feel the humidity, and it's only 8:30 a.m.
Global warming is going to turn Canada into a vacation spot.

I am definitely going to the pool today....waiting for my son to call.
He always does on days like this.

Last summer I took my son to Greece, introducing him to his place of origin.
it had been over 15 years since I had gone.
The summer of 2004, to be precise.
The Greece I had known, going back to my childhood and my youth, when I sued to visit more often, was no longer there- strangers populated the places I used to frequent.

That's when something I had written, back then, was reinforced, reminding me that man cannot "step twice into the same river". A fact he can only appreciate over an expanse of time that will make it obvious to his limited temporal awareness.

Satyr wrote:

The Past
The past hides behind the thin veneer of the present. As time passes new layers of reality are added on top of what was -in some places thicker and in others fine and transparent- burying it beneath sediment of change. From the time one is born until one's death this cycle of alteration replaces an individual’s reality, forcing him to re-establish connections to it or reinvent himself so as to maintain relevance and comfort. But, as age begins to affect adaptability and as one's waning strengths condemn him to fall behind in this struggle, the individual eventually wakes up in surroundings totally alien to him.
The world as he knows it is gone, or rather it is buried there, in front of him, behind the surfaces but completely out of reach. Sometimes, here and there, due to the thinness of the subsequent layers of progress, some remnants of his past show through and fill him with sentimentality, nostalgia and a sense of loss and alienation. This process of consistent change is more pronounced or more noticeable in environments with a rich historic past, such as Greece, where ancient monuments very often stand side-by-side with more modern structures, or where previous cultural norms co-exist and often compete with more recent ones. It is in such places that an underlying sadness and fatalism accompanies every individual through the course of his life.
Change is exaggerated in a patchwork of not-so-buried pasts, where contrasts and juxtapositions are imposed daily on the senses. Every human being is himself a product of his time. He mirrors the musical and artistic tastes of his history; he represents the behavioral and moral rules of his past – most often of his youth, in which time an individual becomes a willing and vulnerable recipient of external influences. In due course he finds himself to be also a remnant of a bygone age and an artifact of the world, now called “ancient,” or “old”. For most the boundaries between past, present and future are well-defined and stand in sharp contrast to one another. For them the sensual input of any given moment defines their position in history and determines the course of their actions.
The past is but a shadow in their mind; a source of recollection filtered through the distorting forces of remembrance but condemned to dwindle in significance as the temporal distance is increased between each moment. The future becomes an imagined supposition to be planned for but not to be overly preoccupied with. What is to come can only be thought of as mirroring what has been, or will be exaggerated and glorified through human need and hope. For some few though, for those sensitive artistic restless souls that float in a timeless limbo, the past present and future intertwine in a distracting jumble of chaos. They not only exist in every instance of their past but can project themselves to an unknown future.

2004

Have you ever met a fat guy or girl who looses a lot of weight and you realize that they were more attractive before they slimmed down?
Fat can cover imperfections.

In the coming month I have...one wedding, one funeral, and a court case to attend.
Too much contact with mostly manimals, will tax me.
Alcohol will help.

One claim is that the internet is being deleted. Another claim is that every search engine reports a very large number of hits(even 1 billion in some cases), however after 20+ pages or so the search list abruptly ends. Another claim is that the same exact listings show up repeatedly on all major search engines on page after page, accounting for most if not all of the page entries.

Sadhguru Brilliantly Explains What Causes Your Fear

I describe nature and I'm labelled an "extremist.”
The description expression an opinion on nurture's indifferent injustices, when compared with human idealized desires.
What is ‘extreme’ is natural adaptation, and what is ‘unjust’ is natural selection.

One step closer(after two years of gathering components)to powering up my own solar energy system. Everything in my place is electric, so transferring some of the heating and cooling loads “may” save me $1k + yearly. Been trying out different, more economical, electric ways of heating my place, currently testing 150W radiant heating elements.

Nice...energy independence.